03 December 2007

Back To School

I was recently tagged for a meme by Crown Princess.

Rules: Devise a list of 5-10 courses you would take to fix your life. It's more fun to be in classes with friends, so include one class from the person who tagged you that you'd also like to take. Tag five.


Ok, here's the list:

911 101: After working as a dispatcher i REALLY wish this course was offered. To call into the EMERGENCY operator because you want to know if it is safe to drive from Amarillo to Tulia during the Tornado Watch is NOT acceptable. Nor is calling into report you are unhappy with the quality of the ILLEGAL drugs you just purchased.

Applied Mathematics For Inmates: Learn how to calculate the profit you would make from throwing contraband over a prison fence. Be one step ahead of that gang associated "insurance collector" by figuring out how many 19 cent Ramen Noodle packs will equal a week's worth of protection money. Prerequisite: Home Ec for Thugs.

Low Income Housing Survival Skills: Learn how to lite the pilot light of that out of code/red tagged furnace in your home. Course includes how to cannibalize that recently vacant housing unit next door for spare parts like door knobs, a/c units, and plumbing fixtures. This course is required before taking How to Litigate Against Slum Lords.

Reality Small Town Living: Surviving as a new resident in a "close knit" community can be trying at times. Learn how to buy yourself into the most influential church in the town. Explore the alternatives to welfare living by agreeing to work for a substandard employer. Gain the knowledge needed to navigate through a good ole boy form of government. Related Course:Finding the best police department that money can buy.

Wal Mart-The Ritual: There is a high chance that Wal Mart is the only store left in town. Everyone else was either closed down, or ran out. Learn the most time efficient methods to used during that "weekly supply run". Learn to identify what is the "safe time zone" to shop there before the freaks come out of the woodwork just to hang out at Wal Mart. Avoid getting assaulted by the infamous greeter when that stupid sensor detector sounds an alarm as you attempt to exit the store with items you really paid for. Prerequisite: Extreme Monopoly

I have no clue who to tag for this one.

2 comments:

Sandy said...

I LOVE your courses! WalMarts in small towns (I have no experience with WalMarts in large towns) are some of the best/scariest entertainment in the world!

PS: Our WalMart had the ramen noodles at 10 for a buck the other day! Whoo hoo!

Crown Princess said...

Rob Cop,

Thanks for playing, yours are some of the best, and informational, classes offered. I can tell you how many .19 Ramens it takes...lol.